What Is Love?

I don't want to be cliched, but I've thought a lot about this and I want to share my thoughts with you. I'm sure as I grow, my opinions will mature and change a bit, so this probably won't be the last you hear about love on this blog. (Apparently, it's not the first you've heard about it either :)
 

START WITH THE BIBLE
The first place you have to start in any discussion of love is with God.

⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.... ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

We can look to God for the ultimate expression of love. If we want to know what it looks like to really love, then look at what God does. But we are but mortal, sinful humans. We cannot possibly live love like God does. So what does it look like for us?

Our society makes love and romance to be the same thing. Your feelings tell you if you love someone. You fall "in love". I think they do this for many reasons, but a big one is, it's easier. It's easier to have love be dependent on feelings then for it to be dependent on your choices and actions.

We've all heard 1 Corinthians chapter 13:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

This is a good goal, but in some ways, I think it's like Proverbs 31. We make it a checklist. But is it really about us? Remember, God IS love. So what if we read it like this?

⁴ GOD is patient, GOD is kind. HE does not envy, HE does not boast, HE is not proud. ⁵ HE does not dishonor others, HE is not self-seeking, HE is not easily angered, HE keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶  GOD does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷  HE always protects,  HE always trusts, HE always hopes, HE always perseveres. ⁸ GOD never fails.

 

I read this passage more about who God is than about what I'm supposed to do. Now, I'm supposed to strive to be like Christ, so in that way, yes, I strive for these things. But when I read this, I see a promise of who God is. 


LOVE IN CULTURE
I remember being very amazed by the movie Frozen. Olaf and Anna are talking about true love and Anna says she doesn't even know what true love is. Olaf tells her that it's putting someone else's needs above your own. Love is self-sacrifice. 

Conventional wisdom likes to say love is 50/50, but I heard or read somewhere that it's really 100/100. You give your all, without expecting anything back. The best relationships are when both people are doing that. 

In youth group, we talked once about Ephesians chapter 5 where it describes how husbands are to love their wives and wives are to submit to their husbands. This works out really well when both people are doing what they are supposed to do. But the husband is supposed to love his wife even if she isn't submitting to him and the wife is supposed to submit to her husband even if he isn't loving her. But if the husband loves his wife, then he is seeking to put her needs above his own! If he's truly doing what the Bible says, then the wife has less trouble submitting to him, because she knows he wants what's best for their family and is considering her opinions too! Relationships are like a Mobius strip: when the husband loves the wife, he makes it easier for her to submit to him and when the wife submits to the husband, she makes it easier for him to love her!

There are many songs that talk about love and do a great job of it too, but one of my absolute favorites is "Love is Not A Fight" by Warren Barfield. 

Verse 1:

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit
To never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Verse 2:

To some love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping their word is hard to do

Chorus:

Love is a shelter
In a raging storm
Love is peace
In the middle of a war
If we try to leave
May God send angels
To guard the door
No, love is not a fight
But it's something worth fighting for

CONCLUSION

Love is not easy. I don't think we can hear enough that love is sacrifice. Love takes work. It's a choice and an action. Love transcends your feelings. The more we hear this definition of love, the more it becomes ingrained in us. This becomes our new definition and it prompts our interactions with others. 

Earlier I referenced part of 1 John chapter 4. Here is more from the part that talks about love.  

¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us......God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

For the Christian, love is not a choice. 1 John paints a rather stark picture, doesn't it? We are commanded to love. We can't, not in our own power. It's impossible to love the unlovable without the power of God. 

Happy Valentine's Day!!!