Living in the Season of Singleness
A lot is made out of being single. Society seems to view it in a negative light and that mind set trickles over into the Christian community as well. I've never had a boyfriend but I've been around people who have and I've spent a good amount of time wrestling with singleness and more importantly, contentment.
Contentment Is The Heart Issue
At the root of our views on singleness is our attitude of contentment and thankfulness. If we are struggling with being single, then the real issue is that we're not content where God has us in life. I'm slowly coming to realize how much freedom I have by not being in a serious relationship. Singleness is a season where I don't have to really worry about managing my time around another person. I can be very thankful and grateful for this season if I can, as Paul put it, "learn to be content in every circumstance".
Gratitude Is Key
As I said before, I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even had anyone interested in me. A friend and I were talking about this at one point as she is basically in the same boat. It's very easy to look at girls who seem to always be in a relationship and have guys all around them and then look at yourself and think, "What's wrong with me?" I've done this before but it's totally the wrong mindset. It's an easy mindset to slip into, but it's a lie. My mindset is gradually becoming one of gratitude to God for His protection over my heart and life. He knows my heart and mind better than I do (and I don't know them very well to begin with) and He loves me and wants what's best for me. So rather than think, "Something must be wrong with me because no boys are interested in me," my mindset needs to be - and is starting to be - "Thank you God for guarding my heart. Thank you for protecting me."
It's A Battle
It's not an easy mindset. I sometimes have little wars in my head over this issue. When I catch myself thinking something like, "It would be so nice to have a boyfriend", I start reasoning with myself. It might go like this:
Mind: Sarah, you know better than that. You don't really want a boyfriend, you just want a friend so you don't feel alone. That's a bad reason to want to be in a relationship.
Heart: I know that. It's just hard to see so-and-so with her boyfriend and I don't even have a friend to hang out with.
Mind: Yes, but remember how emotionally committed she is. You don't want or need that kind of emotional attachment or commitment. Remember how devastated your other friend was when things didn't work out with the boy she liked.
Heart: I know, I know, but..
Mind: NO! You don't want a boyfriend, you don't need a boyfriend, and you're not ready for a boyfriend. Shut up, heart!
Okay, so maybe that's a little over the top, but the point is, I know things in my head, yet sometimes my heart doesn't want to listen. (If that's not the best reason to not listen to your heart, I don't know what is :)
I know I have a lot of growing to do still in my single years. I'm trying to be very intentional about enjoying and taking advantage of the season I'm in. A couple of things that are really helping me in this pursuit are:
Blimey Cow says a lot of the same things in this video, but in a much funnier way. Enjoy!
Contentment Is The Heart Issue
At the root of our views on singleness is our attitude of contentment and thankfulness. If we are struggling with being single, then the real issue is that we're not content where God has us in life. I'm slowly coming to realize how much freedom I have by not being in a serious relationship. Singleness is a season where I don't have to really worry about managing my time around another person. I can be very thankful and grateful for this season if I can, as Paul put it, "learn to be content in every circumstance".
Gratitude Is Key
As I said before, I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even had anyone interested in me. A friend and I were talking about this at one point as she is basically in the same boat. It's very easy to look at girls who seem to always be in a relationship and have guys all around them and then look at yourself and think, "What's wrong with me?" I've done this before but it's totally the wrong mindset. It's an easy mindset to slip into, but it's a lie. My mindset is gradually becoming one of gratitude to God for His protection over my heart and life. He knows my heart and mind better than I do (and I don't know them very well to begin with) and He loves me and wants what's best for me. So rather than think, "Something must be wrong with me because no boys are interested in me," my mindset needs to be - and is starting to be - "Thank you God for guarding my heart. Thank you for protecting me."
It's A Battle
It's not an easy mindset. I sometimes have little wars in my head over this issue. When I catch myself thinking something like, "It would be so nice to have a boyfriend", I start reasoning with myself. It might go like this:
Mind: Sarah, you know better than that. You don't really want a boyfriend, you just want a friend so you don't feel alone. That's a bad reason to want to be in a relationship.
Heart: I know that. It's just hard to see so-and-so with her boyfriend and I don't even have a friend to hang out with.
Mind: Yes, but remember how emotionally committed she is. You don't want or need that kind of emotional attachment or commitment. Remember how devastated your other friend was when things didn't work out with the boy she liked.
Heart: I know, I know, but..
Mind: NO! You don't want a boyfriend, you don't need a boyfriend, and you're not ready for a boyfriend. Shut up, heart!
Okay, so maybe that's a little over the top, but the point is, I know things in my head, yet sometimes my heart doesn't want to listen. (If that's not the best reason to not listen to your heart, I don't know what is :)
I know I have a lot of growing to do still in my single years. I'm trying to be very intentional about enjoying and taking advantage of the season I'm in. A couple of things that are really helping me in this pursuit are:
- Observe. Just watch the people around you in their relationships. I have done this with one couple in particular and it's been eye-opening to see their dynamics and be so grateful I don't have to deal with a relationship like that. Let's just say, it looks stressful and very demanding of your time and emotional energy.
- Project Inspired and Phylicia Masonheimer. Project Inspired is a website designed to build up and "inspire" Christian teen girls. I found Phylicia through PI and her blog is wonderful! A lot of what she writes is related to contentment in stages of life, singleness, just so much helpful stuff. She also does a podcast with fellow blogger Lise Hensley that is fantastic. The podcast is called Uniquely Woman and you can find it on iTunes.
Blimey Cow says a lot of the same things in this video, but in a much funnier way. Enjoy!
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