Lexiphiles!

My Write Like The Greats classmates will love these.
 

•  You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish 
• A boiled egg - is hard to beat
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles - U.C.L.A
• A dentists and manicurist married - they fought tooth and nail
• A thief who a calendar - got twelve months
• To write with a broken pencil is - pointless
• When fish are in schools they sometimes - take debate
• The professor discovered that her earthquake theory - was on shaky ground
• The batteries were given out - free of charge
• A will is a - dead giveaway
• If you don't pay your exorcist - you can get repossessed
• With her marriage she got a new name - and a dress
• Show me a piano falling down and I'll show you  - A-flat minor
• You are stuck with your debt if - you can't budge it
• Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under
• When you've seen one shopping center - you've seen a mall
• Police were called to a daycare where a three-year old was - resisting a rest
• Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now
• A bicycle can't stand alone - it's two tired
• In a democracy it's your vote that counts - in feudalism, it's your Count that votes
• When a clock is hungry - it goes back four seconds
• The guy who fell onto the upholstery machine - was fully recovered
• He had a photographic memory - which was never developed